I'll Always Be There For You
by BandanaGirl348
Summary: Sixteen year old, Karmen Knight believed she had a perfect life. She loved her home in Minnesota. She loved her best friends, James, Carlos, and Logan. But most of all she loved her older brother. She just never realized it until he was gone.
1. Chapter One

**Hey everybody! I have a new story! I've been wanting to write one like this for a long time. Alright, so there is something you need to know before you read. Okay so this story takes place in Minnesota, and the guys never became famous, so the stuff that happened in Big Time Audition never happened. That's pretty much it, enjoy, and don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><span>Chapter One<span>

Sixteen year old, Karmen Knight believed she had a perfect life. She loved her home in a small town in Minnesota. She loved her best friends, James, Carlos, and Logan. She loved her mom and her little sister, Katie. But most of all, she loved her older brother, Kendall Knight. She just never realized how much she loved him, until he was gone.

It was a slightly warm spring day on April 3,2011. It was the last day of spring break ,and Karmen, Kendall, James, Carlos, and Logan were all hanging out in the parking lot of the supermarket Kendall worked at. The sun was shining, and there was not a cloud in sight. It was a perfect day, and Karmen had a feeling that somehow today was going to be memorable. Although something memorable did happen that day, it wasn't necessarily something Karmen, or anyone else wanted to remember.

"How do you do that?" Logan asked, as he watched the shopping cart Kendall had launched across the parking lot roll perfectly into the cart corral for the third time in a row.

"I don't know, it's not that hard," Kendall replied.

"Uh, yeah it is," Logan argued.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "No it's not. C'mon Logan, it's so easy, Karmen could do it," he said, referring to his little sister who was probably the clumsiest, most uncoordinated person he'd ever met.

Logan laughed, "Karmen couldn't get that cart into the corral if her life depended on it."

Karmen, overhearing their conversation, walked over to them and said, grabbing a cart, "Oh yeah? Watch me."

She pulled the cart back, and shoved it across the parking lot in the direction of the cart corral. The cart rolled perfectly into the corral, just like Kendall's had.

"OOOOHHH!" Carlos howled, giving Kendall a high-five.

"That's my girl," Kendall said, smiling proudly.

Logan's jaw dropped, "Damn," he muttered under his breath.

The blond girl turned around, and walked over to Logan with a sly smile and said, "And you were saying?"

"How can _you_ do that, and I can't?" he asked.

"It's because I'm a Knight," Karmen said, smiling at Kendall.

"And you're you, Logan," Kendall concluded, making them laugh, except for Logan who rolled his eyes.

"Hey, where's James?" Carlos questioned.

Now that they thought about it, where was James? They hadn't seen him since they got there. The four of them started looking around, and found him sitting on one of the beach chairs in the outdoor display of pool supplies.

They walked over to him and Karmen asked, "What the hell are you doing?"

James pulled his sunglasses down to look at her, "What does it look like I'm doing? I'm working on my tan, and I know you like what you see," he said, grinning flirtatiously at Karmen, who was now rolling her eyes in disgust.

"Tanning? In Minnesota?" Kendall asked, raising his eyebrows.

"A little sun is better than no sun," James remarked.

Kendall rolled his green eyes, "It's barely spring, and again, we're in Minnesota! It's not even seventy degrees outside!"

"So?" James replied.

Kendall sighed, "Okay Mr. I-think-I-can-get-a-tan-in-Minnesota, you need to get out of that chair unless you wanna pay for it."

James groaned and got out of the chair. Kendall swiftly folded it up and put it back where it goes.

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><p>The day went by fast, and when it started getting dark the guys left and went home. Kendall and Karmen stayed behind because Kendall's boss had to leave early to do something, which happened way too often. Every time it did, he told Kendall to lock up. Even though she didn't act like it, Karmen liked it when she was with Kendall at work and they had to stay later to lock up because that meant she could have some alone time with her brother. She also didn't have a choice because he was her ride home.<p>

"I can't wait til I get my license," Karmen said, leaning against cart corral as Kendall rolled in the last row of carts.

Her brother chuckled, "Why?" he asked.

"So I can go where I want to go instead of hanging around with you and your loser friends," she joked.

Kendall rolled his eyes, "Thanks, I feel so loved. And you can't get rid of me that easily."

"Oh really?" Karmen asked.

"Yeah, I will always be there for you, even if you don't want me to,"

"Is that a promise, or a threat?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Kendall walked around the corral until he was face to face with his sister, "Promise," he said, "I promise you, Karmen Knight, that I will always be there, no matter what."

Not taking her brother seriously, Karmen giggled, and Kendall gave her a meaningful look.

"Oh, you were serious?" she asked.

"Yeah. You know everything I say isn't always a joke," he replied; his expression solemn.

Karmen looked down at her feet, and simply said, "Oh."

"Whatever, let's just go before Mom starts to worry," he said as he started ambling toward the car.

On the way home, the two siblings were silent. It wasn't until they were pulling into the driveway of their house when Karmen finally decided to say something, "Kendall, please talk to me. Why are you so pissed that I laughed at what you said?"

The blond boy stopped the car in the driveway, and put it in park. He sighed and leaned his head back on the headrest, closing his eyes.

"You just don't understand what I meant," he said, his eyes still closed.

"What do you mean?" Karmen asked, confused.

He sat up to face his sister and said, "When I said I would always be there for you, I meant what I said, and you acted like you didn't believe me."

"I did believe you Kendall, and I know you'll always be there for me," she stated.

"Good, and don't forget it. I'll be there for you until the day I die," he promised, "And maybe even after," he muttered quietly to himself.

After sitting in silence for what seemed like forever, they finally got out of the car. As Kendall closed his door, he looked down the driveway and saw the flag on the mailbox was still up.

"Mom must've forgotten to get the mail. I'll go get it real quick," he said.

"You better hurry. It's pretty late who knows what will happen if we stay out here any longer," Karmen said, looking around nervously. She was always paranoid about the things that go on outside at night. She was always afraid of being jumped or worse every time she stepped foot outside at night.

"Yeah because getting the mail is so dangerous. Oh I hope I don't get shot when I open the mailbox!" Kendall said sarcastically, making Karmen roll her eyes.

As Kendall opened the mailbox, his eyes grew wide and he said, "Oh my god, what is that?"

"What?" Karmen asked, walking to the end of the driveway.

"Shhhh…Do you hear that?" he asked, looking around nervously.

Karmen shrugged and shook her head.

"Over there," he said, pointing down the street.

She turned away from him and looked in the direction he was pointing to. She saw nothing, and when she turned back to where Kendall was standing, he was gone.

_Very funny Kendall. Run inside and leave me out here alone, _she thought, rolling her eyes.

She walked down to the mailbox and took the mail out. As she was shutting the mailbox, she felt a hand grab her shoulder and a voice say, "I've got you now."

She screamed, and the mail went flying through the air. She turned around to see her brother almost falling to the ground from laughter.

"Not funny Kendall," she said, picking up the mail.

"It was funny to me," he said, still laughing like a maniac.

Karmen just rolled her eyes and started making her way up the driveway.

"Wait," he said, making her stop and turn around. His expression was completely serious, "You're right, it wasn't funny…but you should've seen your face!" he exclaimed, once again barreling over with laughter.

Karmen rolled her eyes, and started going up the driveway again.

Kendall stopped laughing and said, tossing the car keys in the air and backing up to catch them, "C'mon it was just a joke."

Karmen paused for a minute, and then she spun around and said to her brother, who was now in the middle of the road, "So you scare the hell out of me, and you expect me to take it as a joke?"

"Uh, yeah," Kendall remarked, dropping the keys when he tossed them in the air.

Karmen sighed, she didn't feel like arguing with him tonight, "Whatever," she said, turning back around and walking up the driveway.

As Kendall was bending over to pick up the keys, an ear-piercing screech came from the corner of the street. Karmen whipped around to see a giant black van speeding down the street.

"Kendall!" she screamed.

But it was too late. The van slammed into him at full-speed, making him fly through the air and violently crash to the ground. Karmen stood on the driveway, staring at her brother's limp body in shock. She didn't know what to do, she couldn't move, she was frozen in that spot. Her whole body went numb and she couldn't breathe.

_This isn't happening. This isn't happening. This is not happening._

When she finally came to her senses, she bolted down the driveway to the lifeless body lying in the middle of the road. She kneeled down, tears running down her cheeks, and examined Kendall's body. He had deep gashes all over his arms and face. There was blood running down the back of his head, soaking his sandy blond hair. The worst part almost made Karmen's heart stop, he wasn't breathing.

"No, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening," she cried.

She sat there bawling as she stroked his blood-drenched hair. She didn't know what else to do. Then she realized something.

"Mom. I have to go get Mom, she'll know what to do," she said to herself as she stood up and darted to the house.

When Karmen burst through the front door, she was in hysterics. Her mother, who was in the living room, she looked at her in shock. She had never seen her daughter like this before. Karmen tried to explain everything between sobs, but the only words that came out were "Kendall," "blood," and "black van." Her mom seemed to comprehend everything enough to understand what was going on. She ran out the door, Karmen trailing behind her, and dashed over to where Kendall was still lying.

She examined him carefully, tears running down her face, and turned to Karmen and said sternly, "Call the hospital now."

Right after Karmen called the hospital, she ran up to her room and broke down crying until the paramedics arrived. She watched them through her window as they put Kendall on a stretcher, and rolled him into the ambulance. She couldn't believe this was happening. It seemed as though it was all a dream.

Karmen went to bed that night thinking about Kendall. He was going to live; people get hit by cars all the time and live. Kendall promised he would always be there for her, and if he died he would be breaking that promise, and Kendall never breaks his promises. He was going to make it, she just knew it.

Sadly, that night in the hospital, the paramedics found out that Kendall had died almost instantly from the force of the van hitting him. There was no way they could have saved him. Kendall had done two things nobody ever expected to happen any time soon. One, he died, and two, he broke a promise.

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><p><strong>So this chapter was really hard to write. I apologize if you're in hysterics right now. I know I chose a really violent death, but I promise everything will get better.<strong> **Chapter two will be coming soon!**

**xoxo, Em :)**


	2. Chapter Two

**Hey! Okay, I know it's taken me forever and a day to update. I'm just a really bad procrastinator, but I'm back now! So here's chapter two, finally.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTR(wow it's been a while since I've said that)**

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><p><span>Chapter Two<span>

Karmen stood in her room looking at herself in the full length mirror. It had been a week since the incident with Kendall had happened and she was getting ready to go to his funeral. She was wearing a strapless black dress with lace tights and black heels. She had actually bothered to look good today, and she didn't know why. She even wore makeup for the first time in a week.

For the past week, Karmen had been a wreck. After she found out that Kendall had died, she cried for three days straight. Then, something happened and the crying just stopped. She became really depressed, and was almost like a zombie. She walked around with a blank expression on her face, and she would never get any sleep because she would wake up screaming from the same dream every night about Kendall. The worst part about that dream was that it wasn't just a dream, it was real, it actually happened. Her life had been a living hell. She felt like Kendall's death was all her fault. She just stood there, watched it happen, and didn't even try to help, and she hated herself for that.

What really bothered her was the promise Kendall made. He said he would always be there for her. Well where was he now when she really did need him? Oh yeah he was dead. He broke his promise, and he never breaks a promise.

_I promise you, Karmen Knight that I will always be there for you no matter what, _his voice rang through her head.

Tears started to roll down Karmen's face, and she snapped out of it when she heard a knock on the door.

"Yeah?" she asked, wiping her tears.

The door opened to reveal her eleven-year-old sister, Katie, "It's time to go," she told her.

Karmen nodded, and walked out of the room with Katie.

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><p>"How do you guys tie these things?" Carlos asked as he fumbled with his tie.<p>

"Here let me help you," Logan offered, walking over to Carlos.

As Logan was finishing tying Carlos' tie, James walked in, "Hey are you guys ready?" he asked trying to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes.

The other boys looked at him and they almost started to cry too. They still couldn't believe they were going to their best friend's funeral. Everything just happened so fast, and none of them saw it coming. One day he was alive and well, and then the next, he was gone. All three boys were taking this pretty hard, but they knew someone else probably felt worse than they did.

"Man, I wonder how Karmen is taking all of this," James said.

"Yeah I know. She was the only person who actually saw him…get hit," Logan stated, choking up a little when he said, "get hit."

"She's probably scarred for life now. I mean with how close her and Kendall were, it must've been horrifying to see that happen," James said, tears forming in his eyes again.

"Guys, can we please stop talking about this?" Carlos asked as tears rolled down his cheeks, "I can't stand to think about that stuff happening to Kendall. I miss him so much, and I don't know about you guys, but I can't hold back the tears anymore. This is almost too much for me to take."

The two boys looked at their sobbing friend. Carlos was never good at handling serious and emotional situations. He had always been the most sensitive of the group.

They walked over and hugged him tightly, "It's okay Carlos. We miss him too," Logan told him.

The three boys stood there huddled together, sobbing. They knew it was going to be hard to get through this, but they knew it would be easier if they went through it together.

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><p>As Karmen trudged up the steps to the funeral home her whole body felt numb. She still couldn't believe that her brother was dead, and that she was actually at his funeral. Kendall was like her best friend. He was actually the only real friend she had besides James, Carlos, and Logan, and now he was gone forever.<p>

Karmen and her family entered the double doors into the red-carpeted funeral home. Karmen always felt weird being in this funeral home. Even though it had been a few years since she was here, it still had the same depressing look with the dark walls and furniture, and the sad music constantly playing in the background. It even had the same smell that Kendall had described as "the smell of old people and death" the last time they were there. Karmen smiled at the memory, but it quickly faded when she remembered why she was in this place.

A tall, slender man, who looked like he was about in his forties, greeted them with a small smile.

"Ah, you must be the Knights," he said to them, "I'm Thomas Quartz; I work here."

Karmen rolled her eyes at the man. He seemed so cheery and happy as if nothing was wrong, and that annoyed her.

"Nice to meet you. I'm Jennifer, and these are my daughters Karmen and Katie," her mother replied.

Thomas reached out and shook Mrs. Knight and Katie's hands, but when he got to Karmen she just rolled her eyes at him and crossed her arms.

He awkwardly pulled his hand back and said, trying to look sympathetic, "Listen, I am very sorry for your loss."

"Like we haven't heard that before," Karmen mumbled causing her mom to hit her on the arm.

Thomas seemed to notice her comment and chuckled a little, "Yes, I'm sure you have heard it a lot, Karmen. Now you're Kendall's twin sister, right?"

This guy was really starting to annoy Karmen, and she was about ready to tell him off. Mrs. Knight seemed to notice her daughter's frustration and quickly replied before Karmen could say anything, "She's a year younger."

"Oh well you look so much alike I couldn't tell," Thomas laughed, "Come, let me show you the visitation room," he said, leading us to another room behind two French doors.

Mr. Quartz opened the doors revealing a room with several chairs lined up in rows facing a big black closed casket surrounded by all kinds of flowers. Karmen froze in the doorway and stared at the casket. She knew who was in that casket, and the thought of it made her knees go weak. As she kept staring at the casket images flashed through her mind of that night. Kendall's lifeless body in the road, the blood, the van, everything. She winced in pain at the memories; she couldn't make them stop no matter how hard she tried.

"Kar, you coming?" Katie asked, releasing her from the horrible flashbacks.

Karmen knew she couldn't go in there without having a major breakdown. She just shook her head and replied, "No, I-I'm just gonna go sit down."

She turned around and found a nice red leather couch next to the visitation room. She sat down, and couldn't stop thinking about Kendall. This was killing her on the inside. It hurt so much to think about him. She just wanted scream. She had no idea how she was going to make it through the day and still be alive.

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><p>About an hour later, James, Carlos, and Logan entered the funeral home. They looked around and saw Karmen sitting on a couch. Her elbows were on her knees, and her face was in her hands; she looked so depressed.<p>

"Wow, for being depressed, she still looks incredibly hot," James commented and Logan nodded.

Carlos rolled his eyes at his friends, "Guys, c'mon, we're at a funeral,"

"What? Does is bother you that I called you're girl hot?" James teased.

Carlos glared at him. He had always had a huge crush on Karmen, and it seemed like everyone knew about it, except for Karmen of course.

"No, I was just telling you to be a little more respectful. And she's not my girl!" he replied.

The other boys just smirked. They decided to go over to Karmen and sit by her.

The blond girl felt people sit next to her and she looked up to see her three best friends looking at her. She sat up and gave them a small smile.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Carlos, who was right next to her, asked.

Karmen sighed, "Okay, I guess."

"I still can't believe this is happening," Logan said, "It seemed like it was just yesterday when you and Kendall kicked my ass in shoving the carts into the cart corral."

Karmen laughed a little. She loved how no matter what the situation was, these guys could always make her smile.

"So, what was it like? You know, being there," James questioned, referring to the night she saw Kendall be hit by the van.

"James!" Carlos firmly whispered to him.

Karmen looked at them, "I can't stop thinking about it," she told them, "His body flying through the air and then just lifelessly lying there in the road. The bruises and cuts and gashes all over him, and the-the blood," her voice cracked when she said "blood."

The guys gave her sincere looks. Carlos put his arm around her, held her close and said, "It's okay, we're here for you."

James and Logan nodded in agreement, and Karmen rested her head on Carlos' shoulder, "You just don't understand what it was like being there. This will haunt me for the rest of my life; I'll never be able to get over it," she said.

The guys didn't know what to say to that. They all sat there in silence, until Mrs. Knight approached them.

"Guys, Karmen, it's time for the service. You need to come in now," she stated.

The guys stood up, and Karmen sat there, frozen. Carlos saw her and asked, "You coming?"

Karmen shook her head, "I-I can't,"

Carlos gave her a meaningful look and held his hand out to her, "C'mon, we can go together."

Karmen looked into his big brown eyes. Carlos was like her kryptonite, she could never say no to him. So she grabbed his hand and they walked in and sat down. When the service started, Karmen started trembling. Carlos seemed to notice and squeezed her hand.

"It's okay," he whispered.

She wasn't okay. She couldn't take this anymore. She couldn't sit there any longer listening to someone talk about him and how tragic his death was. She was about to crack.

"I can't do this anymore," she declared, letting go of Carlos' hand and dashing out of the room.

She ran out of the funeral home into the chilly spring air. She ran down the steps, and stopped the end and looked up at the sky covered in grey clouds. She felt a rain drop on her shoulder, then another, and then another. Then all of sudden it started to pour.

"Oh how fucking ironic!" Karmen groaned.

She started running down the sidewalk. As she was running the images of Kendall started going through her head again.

_I'll always be there for you, no matter what,_ his voice rang through her head over and over.

"Stop! Just stop!" she cried, still running.

As she kept running, her heel got caught on one of the cracks, causing her to trip and fall to the ground. From there she didn't move, and she just broke down crying.

"Is this what you wanted?" she screamed to the sky, "You said you would always be there for me! Where are you now?"

She couldn't take it anymore. She needed to be with him. But how? Then she remembered the switch blade Kendall had given her. He gave it to her to carry around in case she go into trouble. She reached for her purse and dug it out. She flipped it up and stared at it. She held it out in front of her, and right as she was about to stab herself, someone grabbed her hand.

She looked up and couldn't believe her eyes.

"Oh my God."


	3. Chapter Three

**Hey! Yay! Chapter three is here! I actually had it written all week I just wanted to leave you with a cliff hanger and make you wait for the next chapter on the edge of your seat. It obviously worked haha. Okay I'll stop talking so you can get on to what happens next.**

**Disclaimer: I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure I don't own Big Time Rush.**

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><p><span>Chapter Three<span>

"Oh my God," Karmen whispered.

She looked into his green eyes in shock. She couldn't believe he was standing there right in front of her. Her own brother, who was supposed to be dead, was standing there. He looked completely normal, all of his bruises and gashes were gone, and he wasn't covered in blood. The only odd thing about him was that he was standing in the pouring rain, but he wasn't wet at all.

Kendall looked at his sister in concern and then looked at the knife in her hand. He didn't say anything he just stared at her. Karmen was so stunned she didn't know what to say.

"K-Kendall?" she stammered.

Before he could reply his eyes shot up and Karmen felt someone grab her shoulder. She turned around to see Carlos.

"Karmen?" he asked loudly over the pouring rain, "What are you doing?"

Karmen didn't reply, she was still in shock. Carlos looked down and noticed the knife in her hand.

"And what are you doing with a knife?" he questioned, looking concerned.

"What?" Karmen asked.

"The knife," he replied, pointing to her hand.

Karmen looked down at the knife, "Oh this, I was just…" she glanced over to where she saw Kendall, but he was gone, "I was just um…"

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" he questioned.

"N-no," she stuttered, shaking her head, "I don't know what I was doing."

Carlos sighed and helped her stand up, "C'mon, let's go back to the funeral home," he said, pulling her in the direction of the funeral home.

Karmen stopped him, "No, I can't go back there."

"Why?" he replied.

Karmen glanced over her shoulder to the stop sign at the end of the street, and saw Kendall standing there looking at her. She looked back at Carlos and said, "I just can't, okay."

She turned back around and still saw Kendall standing there, "Do you see him?" she asked Carlos as she pointed to Kendall.

The little Hispanic boy gave her a confused look, "See who?"

Karmen glanced back at Carlos, and then at Kendall. How could she see him, but Carlos couldn't?

"I think you hit your head on something when you fell. Let's just go back," he told her, trying to drag her away again.

Karmen ripped her arm away, and kept staring at Kendall. Then she turned to Carlos, "No!"

"Karmen, we need to be there," he said calmly, trying to grab her arm again, but Karmen pulled away.

"Just leave me alone, Carlos!" she snapped, turning back to see Kendall, who was still standing there.

Carlos' face fell, "Okay, whatever," he mumbled, and with that he left.

Karmen realized what she had done and quickly turned around, "Carlos, wait I didn't mean it!" she cried, but he just ignored her and kept walking.

She turned around to see if Kendall was still there, and he was. She was so confused. Kendall was supposed to be dead, and he didn't exactly look very dead standing at the corner. He looked alive and well, but that couldn't be possible. Unless he was a ghost, but that was impossible. Ghosts aren't real. It was probably just her imagination.

Kendall turned down the corner and disappeared behind the buildings. Karmen felt the urge to follow him, so she started limping to the corner on her broken heel. She soon realized if she kept walking like this he would be gone. Karmen kicked off her shoes, picked them up, and started running barefoot to the stop sign.

When she reached the corner, Karmen stopped to look in the direction Kendall had turned. She saw him walking about a block away. He stopped and glanced over his shoulder at Karmen, then he turned into the alley he was standing in front of. Karmen immediately started running toward the alley.

By now, it had stopped raining, except for a few drops here and there. Karmen stopped in front of the alley and looked in. Kendall was gone. She slowly walked in and kept walking until she came to a dead end. She stared at the brick wall, and remembered what had happened in this alley. This was the same alley the guys got beaten up in by the girls' hockey team a couple years ago. Thinking about this made Karmen giggle.

"Hey!" someone said behind her, touching her shoulder.

Without thinking, Karmen spun around and punched whoever it was right in the face.

"Ow! God Karmen! What's the matter with you?" he yelled, rubbing his face.

When Karmen saw who it was she quickly apologized, "Oh my God, Kendall, I'm so sorry. You scared me."

Realizing who was standing in front of her, Karmen's eyes grew wide and she quickly jumped back against the wall, "Kendall?" she asked, and he nodded, "But you were-and the van-but-and the funeral- but- but how? You're supposed to be-"

"Dead, I know," Kendall finished.

Karmen's eyes grew ever wider, "Oh my God, I'm going insane," she stated, starting to panic.

"No you're not," Kendall said, grabbing her shoulders, and looking into her eyes, "Just let me explain."

Karmen nodded, and Kendall sighed, "I am dead, okay, but I've come back. And I came back for a specific reason."

"And that reason is?" Karmen questioned.

"To keep my promise. I promised you that I would always be there for you, and I don't want to break that promise. Especially since I never got the chance to even try and keep it," he told her.

"So you're like a ghost?" Karmen asked.

"Yeah I guess I am," he answered, "But you can't like walk through me or anything. I'm basically like a real person."

"I missed you," Karmen expressed, pulling him into a hug.

Kendall was surprised at how well his sister was taking this, "Wow," he stated, "You're taking this a lot better than I expected you to."

Karmen laughed, and pulled out of the hug. After she pulled out, she hit her brother hard on the arm.

"What was that for?" he cried.

"Why didn't you pop up like this earlier? The past week has been a living hell for me!" she exclaimed.

"I know and I'm sorry. These things take time, and I obviously came in at the right time," Kendall said, referring to the episode Karmen had earlier.

Karmen looked down at her feet and remained quiet, "Why on earth would you try to kill yourself?" her brother asked.

"I-I don't know. I was just upset and I wasn't thinking straight. You have no idea what I went through after you died," she replied.

Kendall sighed, "Just promise you won't ever do it again."

Karmen nodded, "I promise. I'm just so happy you're back."

Karmen hugged her brother again. She was truly happy, even if he was dead. She just hoped it wasn't a dream.

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><p><strong>Yeah I know this chapter sucked. It's really short, but I have a feeling that chapter four will be amazing! <strong>

**xoxo, Em :)**


	4. Chapter Four

**S****o it's been a while since I've updated, but now I have! I have a few things to say before you start reading so pay attention. First, this story will be put on hold for a little while so I can work on Nothing Even Matters and hopefully get it finished before August. This story will probably resume in late August when Nothing Even Matters is either finished or almost finished. Second, if you are reading Nothing Even Matters, you may know that it has been deleted multiple times, and reposted multiple times. If it somehow gets deleted again I may or may not repost it. If I don't, I also post it on Wattpad so you can look it up there if you still want to read it. That's about it, so enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own Big Time Rush.  
><strong>

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><p><span>Chapter Four<span>

"I still can't believe you're back," Karmen said happily as she and her brother walked down the street.

"I know. You've said that like a million times," Kendall replied, pretending to be annoyed, "But you can't go around and tell everyone."

Karmen gave him a confused look. She really wasn't planning on telling anybody. She didn't exactly know what people would think if she just said, "hey my brother has come back from the dead and we hang out all the time now!"

Noticing his sister's reaction Kendall quickly explained, "Only you can see me."

"Oh, well that explains why Carlos couldn't see you," Karmen muttered.

"Carlos?" Kendall asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Yeah, when you were stalking me at the stop sign I asked Carlos if he saw you and he said he didn't," Karmen told him.

"Oh. Hey! I wasn't stalking you!" Kendall denied.

Karmen laughed, but the laugh turned into a shiver. She was still dripping wet from the rain, and she was cold. Kendall looked at his shivering sister with concern.

"Are you cold?" he asked, and Karmen nodded, "Well let's get you home then."

They kept walking until they came to their house and then they stopped. Karmen started walking up the driveway. Noticing that Kendall wasn't following her, she turned around and saw him standing in the exact spot he stood in the night he died.

"You coming?" she called out to him.

"Not now. You go in and change. I'll wait out here," he replied.

Karmen shrugged and went inside. She quickly ran upstairs and stripped off her drenched clothes. She put on a white tank, sweat pants, and a hoodie. Then she braided her damp hair into a single braid on the side.

When Karmen walked out the door, she saw her brother standing in that same spot on road with his hands in his pockets, staring at the ground. Karmen walked over to Kendall and stood next to him with her arms crossed, not making a sound.

Without looking up from the spot, Kendall asked in a quiet voice, "So this is where it happened?"

Karmen nodded, staring down at the spot he was looking at. As she looked at it, her mind flashed back to last week. She pictured Kendall's lifeless body lying there; the blood running down his face. He was dead, but now he was standing here perfectly alive-sort of. Karmen and Kendall kept staring at the road until someone interrupted them.

"Karmen!" Mrs. Knight shouted.

Karmen and Kendall whipped around to see their mother running toward them.

"Karmen!" she shouted again, "Where have you been? Why did you leave the funeral?"

"Mom," Kendall said quietly as he walked up to her.

Karmen looked at her mom. Then at Kendall, and then at her mom again. They were literally standing inches away from each other and her mother had no acknowledgement of his presence.

"Karmen?" her mother asked.

Karmen snapped out of her trance and looked at her mother, "Huh?"

"Did you hear me?" Mrs. Knight asked, "Why did you leave the funeral?"

"I um…I was just…um…I don't know," Karmen rambled. She didn't know what to say. She couldn't exactly tell her mom about the Kendall situation.

Mrs. Knight sighed, and put her hand on her daughter's shoulder, "Listen, I know this is hard for you, it's hard for all of us, but you're just going to have to learn to move on."

"I know. I'm fine," Karmen reassured her.

Not fully believing Karmen, Mrs. Knight sighed again, "Okay, come on, let's get you inside."

Karmen started walking with her mother, and then she remembered Kendall was still standing there. She hesitated and looked back at him.

"Go. I'll see you later tonight," her brother told her, and with that, Karmen walked up to the house with her mom.

* * *

><p><em>A FEW HOURS LATER<em>

Karmen sighed as she looked through a stack of magazines in her room. It had been a long time since she last saw Kendall and she was beginning to worry that maybe he had been part of her imagination. She finally decided on a good magazine, and started flipping through it. Nothing too interesting to read about. Most of it was just about this new band called One Direction.

"Ha! These One Direction guys think they're so cool. I bet James, Carlos, Logan, and I could be a better boy band than them," someone said from across the room, causing Karmen to jump and throw her magazine in the air.

She looked up to see Kendall standing in front of her flipping through a magazine and scowling at the pages.

"You know you really shouldn't do that," Karmen told him as she picked up her magazine.

Kendall glance up from the magazine and gave his sister a confused look, "What? Be in a boy band? Cause if I wasn't dead, the guys and I could totally take those freakish Brits down!"

"No, I didn't mean that," Karmen chuckled, "I meant just randomly popping into a room and scaring the crap out of me."

"Well how else were you expecting me to get in here? The front door?" he asked, "Mom and Katie may not be able to see me but they can still see if I move something. I don't know about you, but I would be pretty freaked out if my front door just randomly opened and closed on its own."

Karmen sighed, "You've got a point. This is just going to take some getting used to."

"I know. I'm still trying to get used to it too. But we'll get through it together," Kendall told his sister, putting his arm around her.

"You know, One Direction aren't that bad," Karmen stated, while looking on the cover of her magazine, "They're actually kind of cute."

Kendall smirked, "Are you kidding me? One of them has four nipples. That's not cute, that's weird."

"You're just jealous that he has more nipples than you," Karmen joked as she playfully pushed her brother.

Kendall chuckled, "So, you got any big plans tonight?"

"No, unless lying on my bed and watching movies are considered big plans," Karmen told him.

"Hmmm…well I was thinking if you weren't doing anything, I could show you something," Kendall said, a grin growing on his face.

Karmen narrowed her eyes. She wasn't sure if she wanted to know what he wanted to do.

"Here, give me your hand," he told her, holding his hand out.

Karmen had an unsure look on her face. She was kind of afraid to find out what would happen if she did grab his hand.

"Come on, just trust me," he said.

Karmen sighed, and cautiously grabbed his hand. Kendall grinned from ear to ear, and then everything went black. Moments later, Karmen found herself not in her room, but sitting next to Kendall underneath a tree in the park just down the street.

"Pretty cool, huh?" Kendall stated.

"What? How did we? We were just-what?" Karmen stammered.

"I brought us both here. Being able to go anywhere I want in just seconds is one of the advantages of being a ghost," Kendall explained.

Karmen nodded, "But wait, if you can go anywhere, why are we here?"

"It's just a nice place to sit and talk," he said.

"Talk about what?" Karmen asked.

Kendall shrugged, "Anything, I guess."

"How long are you going to be here?" Karmen blurted out.

Kendall sighed, "Well, that all depends on you and the choices you make."

"What do you mean?" she asked, feeling confused.

"I'm only going to be here if you need me," he explained, "Once you don't need me anymore, I'll be gone."

"I'll always need you. I mean you saw how I freaked when you weren't around for a week," Karmen said.

"It's going to happen sometime, Karmen, you're going to get interested in something else and forget about me, and I'll have no choice but to leave."

Karmen scooted closer to her brother and looked into his eyes, "Listen, I lost you once, and I'm not losing you again. I'll never forget about you, Kendall, and that's a promise."

Kendall nodded, half-heartedly believing her. Even though she was saying that now, he knew that he would eventually have to leave.

The night went on as Kendall and Karmen talked underneath the tree. The later it got, the more Karmen started to drift off to sleep. She fought hard to stay awake just in case this all was a dream, but eventually the urge to close her eyes overtook her, and she fell fast asleep in her almost dead brother's arms.

* * *

><p>Karmen's eyes shot open to the bright light shining through her bedroom window. She was no longer in the park with Kendall. She stared at the ceiling thinking about everything that happened yesterday. Almost killing herself, seeing Kendall, yelling at Carlos, using Kendall's ghost powers to go to the park. Had those things even happened? Was it all a dream?<p>

Disappointed, Karmen yanked herself out of bed, trudged out of her room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen. She couldn't believe she had dreamt all that stuff. Everything was so real. She knew Kendall coming back from the dead was too good to be true.

She was sad about it not being real, but also pissed that she believed it all. She angrily pulled out a box of Lucky Charms and a bowl from the cabinet. As she poured the cereal , she heard someone walk in and sit on the barstool in front of her. She didn't bother to look up, it was probably Mom or Katie.

"Well somebody doesn't seem very happy this morning," he stated.

Karmen's head flicked up, and she saw Kendall's beautiful smiling face right in front of her. A gigantic smile stretched across her face, she hadn't been dreaming. She sprinted over to her brother, and gave him a big hug, causing him to fall out of his chair and both of them to fall to the floor.

"I knew you were real!" Karmen exclaimed.

"That's great. Now can you get off of me? You're crushing my internal organs," Kendall replied.

"Sorry," Karmen apologized, climbing off of him and standing up, "So you're staying? Not leaving?"

"Yup, I'm yours forever, sister" Kendall smiled.

Karmen smiled back and pulled him into another hug. Kendall was going the be with her forever.

* * *

><p><strong>Well that's the end of this part! Remember this story will not resume until August at the earliest, so don't keep bugging me to update. <strong>

**xoxo, Em :)  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, I am a horrible horrible person. You guys probably hate me, if there are any of you left. I am so sorry I never updated on this site. I'm mainly focusing on Wattpad now because I like it better, so I actually posted this chapter forever ago on there. So sorry I forgot about you guys! I hope all of you still read it. Anyways, here's chapter five!**

* * *

><p><span>Chapter Five<span>

"_The sun goes down, the stars come out, and all that counts is here and now…"_

The song by The Wanted blared through the speakers of Karmen's car as she drove down the road. Karmen loved this song. She confidently started singing along to it. She always did this when she was in the car alone.

"Ugh! Another British boyband?" a voice groaned from nowhere, "Where are the Americans?"

Karmen jumped at hearing this voice and the car swerved into the other lane, causing them both to scream in horror.

"God! Stop doing that!" Karmen exclaimed after she pulled the car back over.

"What? How is this my fault? You're the one who jumped and almost killed us both!" Kendall replied.

Karmen turned to him, giving him an exasperated look, "Kill _you_? You're already dead! You have nothing to worry about so calm down! And it's your fault because you just think you can randomly pop up anywhere at any time."

Kendall rolled his green eyes, "It's been a year, Kar, you should be used to it by now. You know, maybe you're just a bad driver."

"Maybe you're just a bad driver," Karmen repeated, emulating her brother's voice.

It had been a year since Kendall had been hit by the van, and he had been with Karmen ever since. The police finally caught the driver of the van that hit him. The driver was drunk as everyone suspected.

"You know what today is?" Karmen asked in a more serious tone.

Kendall nodded, "It's April 3rd…"

April 3rd was the exact day Kendall died last year. Today, the whole neighborhood was going to gather in the church for a memorial service.

"Are you going to the service?" he asked Karmen.

His sister shook her head. She really didn't feel like going.

"You should go. It's a good opportunity to socialize with people," Kendall encouraged her.

Karmen rolled her eyes. She had heard this a million times before, "But I don't want to socialize with people."

Karmen had always been sort of antisocial. She never talked to many people besides Kendall and the guys, but after Kendall had died and came back, she basically cut her whole life off. She felt like she had to spend all of her time with Kendall now, in fear of losing him forever. She thought if she became friends with anyone, she would forget about Kendall and he would leave.

Since she shut the whole world out, she kind of became the weird girl at school. No one would talk to her anymore, and if they did, she would just push them away. She cut off James, Logan, and Carlos too. She hadn't spoken to them since the funeral, and they hadn't bothered to speak to her. She assumed Carlos was still upset about what happened that day. She even cut off her own family. She barely spoke to her mom or Katie at home. The only person she ever talked to or hung out with was Kendall, her dead brother.

Kendall was really concerned about his sister's social life. He felt like she was lonely, and it was his fault. So he tried to get her to interact with people even though he knew it would put him at risk of leaving.

"Back here again," Karmen said glumly as she pulled into the school parking lot. Today was the first day back after spring break.

"Well, you only have to live through another year," Kendall said, trying to cheer her up.

Karmen stumbled out of her car and trudged through the parking lot toward the front door. She walked past multiple groups of people not even giving her a second glance.

As she kept walking, Kendall popped up beside her, "Don't look now, but I think I see a certain someone staring at you," he told her, nudging his head to the left.

Karmen turned her head to make eye contact with none other than Carlos. He was standing with James and Logan, gazing at her. When he saw her look at him, his eyes quickly flickered away.

"What do you not understand about _don't look now_?" Kendall questioned, chuckling. With that said, he disappeared.

That was basically how he was when Karmen was at school. He would pop up randomly just to tell her one thing and then he'd vanish. He liked to leave her on her own in hopes that she would make friends with a real person.

The day went on slowly, Kendall popped up here and there to check in on Karmen and then he disappears. Karmen is relieved by the time lunch comes around. Lunch is the only time Kendall will talk to her in school for longer than thirty seconds.

Karmen walks in the cafeteria to see, as usual, the jocks sitting together at their table acting like idiots, the pretty girls all sitting together probably gossiping, and her old table where she used to sit before Kendall died. Now, the only people at her former table were James, Logan, and Carlos. They sat around it talking about who knows what.

Karmen couldn't help but stare at them. She wished she could sit and talk to them like she used to, but she couldn't, not after how she hurt Carlos. She didn't realize how long she had been staring at them until Carlos looked up and saw her. He gave her a small smile, and Karmen quickly turned away.

She goes through the lunch line, trying to forget what just happened. She didn't know for sure if Carlos was smiling at her. Maybe he was just smiling at someone else?

Her question was answered after she paid for her lunch and turned around to see Carlos standing right in front of her.

"Hey," he said, smiling.

"Hi," she answered quickly, and walked away. She didn't really feel like having an awkward conversation with him. She thought he would take the hint that she didn't want to talk if she just walked away.

He obviously didn't because before she knew it, he was standing in front of her again, blocking her path. She looked over his shoulder and saw Kendall sitting at their table in the back of the cafeteria giving her a confused look.

"So how have you been?" Carlos asked her.

"Fine," she answered, trying to get around him, but he stopped her.

"Seriously, how have you been?" he asked again, looking into her eyes sincerely.

Karmen, getting annoyed, snapped back at him, "Fine, Carlos. Now excuse me."

She brushed passed him and made her way to the table where Kendall was sitting. She sat down, relieved that she had gotten rid of Carlos without having to really talk to him.

"What was that about?" her brother asked, referring to her run in with Carlos.

"I don't know," she answered, "But I got rid of him."

"Now I wouldn't get too ahead of yourself," Kendall said, looking up.

Karmen, confused, turned around to see Carlos, of course, walking toward them.

She quickly turned back around and whispered, "Damn it."

Kendall chuckled as Carlos approached them and sat down next to Karmen.

"You really thought you could get rid of me?" Carlos questioned.

Karmen didn't answer. Maybe if she never talked to him, he would go away. That didn't work.

"How come you never talk to us anymore?" he asked.

"I don't know…" she said, still not making eye contact with him.

Carlos sighed, "Look I know we were Kendall's friends, but we liked hanging out with you too. Sometimes even more than him."

Kendall, who was still sitting there, looked offended, "Well then!" he said.

Karmen stifled a laugh, and didn't answer Carlos.

"Just cause Kendall's…gone doesn't mean we still can't hang out," Carlos told her.

"Am I not fun to be around? Is that it?" Kendall said, referencing to Carlos' last comment.

"That's not the reason why, Carlos," she answered, ignoring Kendall and finally looking at Carlos.

"I'm fun! If I weren't dead I would so prove it to you!" Kendall ranted.

Carlos, totally oblivious to Kendall's rant continued his conversation with Karmen, "Okay, you know what? The guys and I are going to play some hockey after school and you're coming."

"Carlos but I-" Karmen started trying to get out of it.

"No buts, you're coming," he said.

Kendall, continuing his rant said, "You know, you wouldn't even know Karmen if it weren't for me, so you should be thanking me."

"I know how much you love playing hockey, and it would be nice to have an even team for once,"  
>Carlos continued.<p>

"But-"

Carlos held up his hand, "Nope. I'll see you there, okay?"

After saying that, he stood up and walked away. Karmen sighed, she didn't want to go hang out with them. Yeah, she did miss them, but she felt that hanging out with them would make her too distant from Kendall, which would make her lose him forever.

She looked up at her brother, who was smiling creepily at her.

"What?" she asked.

"I think someone likes you," he said, punching her playfully in the arm.

Karmen shook her head, "What? Carlos? No. I'm not going."

Kendall laughed, "Yes you are. You know you want to."

"No I don't," Karmen told him, trying to sound convincing.

"You should go. Just this once. I'll be there too. It'll be nice to see the guys play hockey again and to see you socialize with living people," he said to her.

She sighed, she knew she couldn't say no to him, "Ugh! Fine, I'll go, but only for you."


End file.
